The Honeymoon is Over

[singlepic id=616 w=320 h=240 float=right]In the world of international education, which I worked in just after college about 10 years ago, there is a well-known graph called the “Cultural Adaptation Curve.” We used it to help prepare college students for 5-9 month long study abroad experiences. It is also well known in the world of expatriates, which we are just dabbling in at the moment. It’s a little awkward at times, actually. Our length of stay of one year is too long to be considered a “visitor” but it is too short to be taken seriously by the true expatriates. So we fall somewhere in the middle, traveling a lot to take advantage of the time we have while also trying to establish a life that we can sustain for a full year. But we can’t grow roots fast enough or deep enough to ever really feel stable.

Which brings me back to the Cultural Adaptation Curve. It looks like the letter “U” starting off high with what is referred to as the Honeymoon stage. It is sometimes also called the Tourist stage when everything is new and exciting, and I do mean everything. Going grocery shopping is novel because of all the new foods and different prices (i.e. more expensive). If I managed to have a conversation with someone, I was thrilled. Just waking up in the morning, I would think to myself, “Holy crap, I’m in Switzerland!”

As you might expect, this level of excitement can’t last forever — although we have managed to push it pretty far. The timing of the curve across the bottom is quite variable depending on your length of stay, personality, etc. As of yesterday, we have been in Switzerland for 100 days (we’ve been in Europe for 119 days), which is a little mind-blowing in itself. And all the little things that used to be exciting just aren’t so exciting anymore.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining! I still recognize that we are in the middle of a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I am making the most of it. But, as the little things about Switzerland start to lose some of their excitement, we also start missing some of the little things from back home. A few times in recent weeks, I found myself in circumstances that would be much easier to manage if I had a car. I am craving slightly deeper conversations with people in a language I feel comfortable with. Just today, after a week of cooking things the kids complained about, I missed the convenience of just grabbing a box of Mac n Cheese and eating a familiar meal without any whining. Joe mentioned on Monday night that he missed being able to talk to his coworkers about the Packers and American football, and having them know what he is talking about.

Some people, when they leave the Honeymoon stage, fall rapidly into “hostility” as the graph suggests. They often feel frustrated, depressed, lonely, and upset. We certainly are not there, nor do I think we will fall quite so low (though I have met a couple of people who are clearly in that stage, and it’s not pretty.) We are merely leaving the extreme highs of the past few months for a more realistic experience of the country and culture we are in. It’s kind of like ordering banana flambé in a fancy restaurant. It’s exciting as they dim the lights and light it on fire mesmerizing you with the flickering flames. But, eventually you have to blow out the fire and turn on the lights in order to actually taste and appreciate the whole dish.